The role of wife and mother makes women more oriented
towards people rather than matter. Woman's attention is captured
by the individual being, its needs and demands. By assuming this
role and responsibility, her male partner or husband can focus
on matter, the things, on power to rule and to protect, to gain
and to win.
If women and men decide to fully or partly live
both the male role and the female role, then they will experience
conflicts between the person-oriented, emphatic side and the matter-oriented,
dominant side of their personality. However, if they accept their
given gender role they will also experience conflicts, even if
they accept it completely, as it will make them dependent on the
other gender. So, whichever way one decides, conflicts will arise.
If we do not want to suffer so much as a result
of such conflicts, we need to focus on what we want and need more
than on the obstacles or things that disturb us. The more we focus
on our desires and needs and how to realistically achieve them
in our lives, the more chance we have of becoming happy and healthy
because it enhances our chance of reaching the goals we set for
ourselves.
To criticise what we do not like in life can be
of help, but only with regard to finding out what we like. Just
as focussing on things we do not like will make us feel unhappy,
focussing on things we do like will make us feel happy. Happiness
in this respect is mainly a question of our own perspective and/or
choice.
Why, you could ask, do we then concentrate more
often on the negative than on the positive aspects? It is a consequence
of a submissive feeling of being subjected to outside forces rather
than being an active individual. This is mainly a consequence
of our education and personal tradition. So, another consequence
of deciding to be happy is to decide to consider one’s own
life as a matter of our own deciding and not to accept it as the
object of external forces. A realistic world view is thus a very
necessary aspect of personal health and happiness. We need to
fully comprehend our given powers and limits.
Another cause of suffering, especially with women,
is the notion that sharing one’s life with one’s beloved
is a form of dependency and interdependency – our own happiness
is dependent on the actions of the other. It is natural for people
to refer to one another in order to ascertain their interests
with a view to coordinating two wills. In our relations with other
people, we can refer to other people more or less often. The more
often we refer to others, the more often they feel obliged to
refer to us and have to adjust their own decision making process.
For some people this is acceptable, for others it is not. We cannot
expect others, not even our loved ones, to accept or like this
concept. We do not have the right to demand it of them. So, when
we meet people who would rather run their own lives without considering
others, then we must also accept it as a way in which we can live
with them.
